"I"

I am once again taking a step back to observe myself from afar. But this time around I can say im not so upset with what I see. Im finally for this first time in a long time happy with a large percentage of my life. This sort of thing has a sort of trickle down effect on everything that I do. Theres been a lot that has gotten me down and kept me down for so long and its like a large weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.



I need to realize though how i came to be in that situation so I can not let myself get back to that lowest of lows.

I have been more concerned with myself recently than concerning myself with all the troubles of my closest friends, Ive realized that no matter how much you will ever care for someone they will need to do what they think is best for themselves in the end. This will happen regardless of any words or actions on my part. All my life people who i love and care for have hurt themselves and me without realizing it and thinking everythign is ok. Well im simply done caring too much, its stressful and depressing when you are constantly worrying yourself over someone who has independent thoughts and actions of their own. Like I said, you can only hope that they will have a moment of clarity and realize no one "real" is around to pick them up off the ground because of the distance theyve put between each other.

I am now me oriented, how can I improve myself?

I need more people who are "real" to surround myself with, people who can conversate on a level beyond "i cant remember how many beers i had last night" but can also relate to me when theres just that day where you need to party your face off. People who understand being human and having human emotions. People who have stories to tell and are willing to be there with you to make new ones. People who have those days where watching movies and lounging are necessary but who also have those days where there are no walls in this universe that could contain them and being face to face with the outdoors couldnt feel any better.

I am drawing more often, I am feeling the call of a good walk through the city full of conversation, I am looking to be more action oriented and alive.

Just remember I need all of you, you all have played a instrumental role in the building that is my life. I just need to build a little higher. Be there for me?