Intelligence and my State of Apathy

Am I in a muck? I'm wiping away the haze of this everyday routine to realize my repetitiveness. It's almost as if I am affixed to this carousel that is my everyday life, a horse that only longs to be free and explore whats on the other side of the horizon. What is it that affixes me to this routine, friends, a well paying job, or some sort of fear? I am pretty sure these are the main factors but there's another chain holding me back, its myself. I hate tyo say that it is becasue I am lazy or a procrastinator but these may be true and I am kind of afraid of that fact. I dont wanna be the only thing holding myself back when it comes to my future. Its times like these that I rethink a lot of my decisions and generally ask myself
"Where did I wanna be going in life and where am I right now?"

blah...

Im too lazy right now to write anything intellectual in here
so im gonna resort o bad spelling, grammatical errors and breif statements.

-So happy to have Savanah!!!
-cant seem to remember when i make plans, problem?
-ive become oh so apthetic to everything
-I miss a good nights sleep
-i hate capitalizing my "i" when refer to myself in sentences
-i love cooking my own food
-fuck this whole boring routine

oh....

TOMORROW!!!!!!!

HOLY IMAX BATMAN

So I finally got to see the Dark Knight last night, in IMAX! I do believe that it was worth staying up late and it was definitely worth all $10 hell I wouldve paid $20to see this movie. Im sure ill feel like a broken record to everyone when I say that Heath Ledger was amazing in this movie as the Joker and to describe how multi-faceted his playing of the Joker was would take forever. So I think that the word amazing sums up his acting in this movie fairly. I would love to ramble on further about how good this movie was but I got 4 hours of sleep last night and im about to pass out at the dispatch desk.

DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Savanah the catahoula dog iss miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiineeeeeee!!!!
shes being fixed today and she should be all healed in a week and then the foster family is gonna bring her to me and shell be alll mineeeeeeee forever!!!!!!!!
so exciteddddddd

ever..

wish that one person would just drop off the face of the earth?

I do.

Training ridetastic

Last night I went on a sweet training ride with Julius and Ansel and some random dude we met up with Danny. It kicked off at 6:30 and we decided riding to Valley Forge would be nice and so we pedaled our way towards manayunk and up Ridge Ave which was the only real climb of the entire ride. This is where Julius decided he would just meet up with us in Valley Forge and took the easier route through Manayunk to the trail. So it was Ansel, Danny and myself from there on out to VF and we were cooking out there. Danny was the only one with a bike computer so he was keeping us up on how fast we wre traveling and all the distance info. On our way out there he said we were pulling each other at anywhere between 24 and 28mph, which is peloton speed! This got me super excited because these are the sort of numbers im looking for when it comes to easing into the amateur scene in cycling. Of course I still have a ways to go before I can actually feel confident with the peloton. Here's a rundown on my goals:

-Improve power on my pedaling
-Endurance needs to be increased which requires lots more long rides on my part.
-I need new cycling shoes, a helmet and perhaps some new clipless pedals.
-To do at least 3 loooooong rides a week after work, Vf seems reasonable but may get repetitive so I'm gonna have to look up some good cycling routes that i can really open up on
-Improve nutrition, my diet is horrendous

I feel like those are reasonable goals for the future, now to muster up the motivation. Any inspiring words?

WEEKEND UPDATE!

My weekend was pretty much amazing! Lets do a brief recap:

-Donovan and I got 2nd place overall and 1st fixed in Rocky
(the excitement still hasn't worn off!!)
-Tandemonium was amazing, 11 tandems on the track at once?
-Talked to Julius and I'm doing a training ride tonight
-Dinner at the High Note was delicious but they were a little rude to us
-Got in contact with the guy who's fostering Savanah the catahoula dog!

-Sunday included my favorite thing, milkshakes and movies on the couch. It was nice to relax.

In the end it ended up being a pretty good weekend, theres definitely a few things i would change but then it wouldn't of been the same I guess...

This week seems as though it will zoom on by, Ive got plans for most of the week including a training ride tonight which I'm kinda excited for. Tomorrow Savanah is coming to visit which means adopting a dog is becoming a reality! and Thursday is always fun because its pay day and I'm actually saving money despite the abysmal check I received last week for the week off I had.

I cant say that im in a bad mood because a lot of good is happening but I seem to be in a state of numbness and Im not sure how I feel about it.

Heres to change?

ROCKY!

Im so excitedddd!!!!!!!
I love racing

The Rapture

Lately I've been having really vivid dreams that surprisingly I remember most of when I wake up. There isn't much of a theme to them but they are all super realistic and usually kinda scary.

Last night was no exception.

I'm not to sure how the dream started out but as it started to get realistic I remember more. I remember being in a building on the ground floor with a few close friends and family and the whole city beginning to freak out. In the dream there was all sorts of weird camera angles of what was going on outside kinda like when some amateur picks up a camera and tries to fill some crazy shit but can't really find it in the viewfinder. Just as the camera looks up to the sky theres this huge message going across the sky, kinda like subtitles for God. The message goes on to say how this is the end of the world and so on and so on rapture rapture blah blah. This is when everyone starts to really freak out and I feel as though this dream was taking place on a certain date that made the dream me feel as though this was appropriate on said date but I just cant remember that detail. Although everyone is freaking out nothing too big is going on outside that makes it feel rapturey until... in the same shaky camera view, the city that I am in (which is made up of Philadelphia and I suppose some other subconscious cities) begins to crumble and fall apart. I think crumble isn't the best word to describe it because its almost like crucial parts to the buildings were just disappearing but still falling apart at the same time if that makes any sense at all. I remember that in the dream I don't firmly have a belief in a God that is vengeful and all seeing but I clearly said "Fuck, now i have to repent or I'm going to hell." haha I love dream me, hes so funny. The dream continues on with me preparing to be taken away the whole time hoping that when I get taken away that its not in some violent way. Me and several other friends seem to go back and forth from house to house collecting things? Like when we get taken away we want certain things to go with us? Real weird... but the rest of the dream is a little hazy to me at the moment, I do know I woke up before I was taken away so the there was no real "ending" to my dream unfortunately.

I'm still taken back about how realistic the dream was and how my emotions inside the dream felt very real. I was genuinely scared when buildings were collapsing and people were dying. Although the dream wasn't lucid I feel as though it was very close, I just wish I could know so much more about the sub-conscious and its involvement in my dreams.
That is it for now.

WOOO

I was just stretching this morning and...
I TOUCHED MY TOES!
all this stretching is paying off
I cant really remember the last time I was able to do so
so excited!!

fucking dubai man

http://www.dynamicarchitecture.net/Dubai-Video/Dubai_640x360.html

I will rant about this later

oh and yes it is real

smoking

Ive noticed recently that a lot of people who I've known in the past have taken up smoking. These are all people who I would never think to take up such a nasty habit. Its definitely a shame because deep down I feel sorry for them because the habit is just so stupid.

On the other hand, my dad has quit smoking just about 4 months now and I couldnt of been more proud of him. He was on a daily regimen of a pack a day at least and all for what? You get absolutely NOTHING out of smoking, its all mental. "Oh I feel relaxed and less stressed now that Ive had that ciggarette." No, you now smell awful and not only have you wasted 4-7 dollars of your money youve received nothing out of it. I love looking at the numbers, a pack of Marlboro reds costs just about $4.20 and say you smoke a pack a day, thats $1533 a year. That is groceries for the whole year. Thats a real nice trip to the bahamas. Thats paying off your gas or electric for a whole year. Thats a super nice bike with all those nice parts youve always wanted but cant understand why you can never afford it.

As you can see I feel strongly about this. I dont know why people start, it must be the "cool" appeal to it all, or even the sex appeal. I simply just dont get it, this doesnt mean im not friends with people who smoke because thats their choice but when I am around to see someone start smoking it just really gets me going. I understand addiction, I have become well versed in what the effects are and I hate when someone openlyy decides "Hey, I want to take up a habit in which I will definitely regret and even though most people wont admit it, they will think less of me."

Ughhhh I could go on for days about how much I hate smoking, gross...

fast paced

Im back from the Tour of PA and it feels as though ive hit the ground running. Ive been flooded with some income that I hopefully will delve out accordingly. I need a new laptop and that will most likely be first on the agenda which means a trip to springboard is in order. Hopefully I will be able to get a sweet used laptop for cheap and perhaps save some of that money for the IRS. Also in order is setting up tattoo appointments for marielle and steve thats always nice to have a little extra money in my pocket for a few hours of work I love to do. Also Marielle is gonna give me a bunch of tattoo equipment in exchange for the tattoo work most important of which is a shader which I need desperately. Me and Chris may be planning a party for the 4th of July where the theme to it is to get Jim drunk. This is still in the earliest of planning stages. There is also Jessie's race Saturday in which I will be working a checkpoint instead of racing. I feel as though i should be racing because I have Rocky the very next weekend in which I wanna be in tip top shape for, Im looking to win somethign this year and im still debating on whether or not to ride my road or track bike. Maybe ill buy a chain this week and ride my bomber pro around seeing as how its basically done except for wheels and clips which ill just take off my marinoni for a bit to ride around. I plan on getting myself together this summer, show some responsibility. Ohhhhhh and im gonna go look at dogs this weekend hopefullyyyy!!!!

:)